Empathy in Autistics: An amazing article

alienjournal:

SO TRUE!!!

Time and again I have problems with “expressed empathy”, because when I express that I feel for a situation or event in another person’s life, I think I overstep the culturally acceptable boundaries. And I really really feel others’ pain much deeper than NTs around me. 

On the Matter of Empathy,  

by Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg

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The Markram study and the Smith study reflect my experience far more accurately than say, the work of Simon Baron-Cohen, who has never given any credence to the idea that the emotional/affective empathy of autistic people might exceed that of others. How sensitive am I? If a person next to me is suffering, I feel it as though the suffering were mine. If the person next to me is joyful, I feel especially happy. If I see a film in which a person is being shot, I immediately imagine the bullets tearing into my own body. I have read story after story by autism parents who say that their children cry when they see scenes of animals suffering; others say that their children can always pick up on all the emotions in a room. I share these experiences.

I can feel absolutely drenched in the emotions of other people, even when people are not expressing their feelings directly, and I feel those emotions very intensely. I can walk into a crowded room and feel all the emotions of the people there; being so empathic can be absolutely overwhelming. From what I understand, most non-autistic people do not experience anything close to that kind of empathy, but it’s a common experience for those of us on the spectrum.

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I also have a kind of intuition, a sixth sense about people that can never be measured in any objective fashion. As I’ve learned from hard experience, the only time that my intuition fails me is when I ignore it.

I’m also coming to recognize that I use another sense, one that is hyperacute and entirely overlooked in studies of how autistic people perceive the world: my hearing. I can read the subtle details of vocal tones very, very well, especially when people are using vocal tones that don’t match the content of their words. If a person is upset or angry, but is using words that seek to mask it in some way, I can tell right away. It’s as though I am hearing strands of music that are out of harmony.

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Expressed empathy
Expressed empathy has to do with responding to the feelings and thoughts of another person. Clearly, it’s not enough to feel empathy. It has to be expressed so that the other person knows that you understand and feel compassion.

This type of empathy is almost entirely a cultural construct. In some cultures, when you see a person in pain, you give a hug, or verbalize your concern, or invite the person to have a conversation. In other cultures, simply being a quiet, compassionate listener is considered appropriate.